i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
