I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
