The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
