you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
