I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the day after is always just damage control
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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