His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You took a bar mat shot.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
