I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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