So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
