Is it normal to miss your booty call?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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