it glows. i had to have it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My vagina is officially offended.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
