just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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