best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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