Already got asked if we're dating
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
