If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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