i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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