we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
