Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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