Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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