I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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