idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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