I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
