I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
