She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
