remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
