More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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