Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
