1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
