Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
