Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
