My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
