Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
