Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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