Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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