We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
