is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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