we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
