So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
