there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
