all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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