The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
