We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
