everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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