We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
