its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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