i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
