Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
