Umm I'm too high to move.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
