5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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