She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
