At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
