She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize