this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
this hospital has no fireball
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
