It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
