he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize