i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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