I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
