So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
