wrigley field is MILF paradise
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
