Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
