between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
