do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize