so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize