I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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