kristin has been a bad kristin
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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