She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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