I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
