we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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