I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
