My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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