Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
