In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize