Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
