Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
