Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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