But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
