Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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