Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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