I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
